Thursday, 6th, October, 2011.

Thoughts of the next step, Within 2 weeks Sarah and I are off to Havelock in the south island. Sarah has a job there as a sea food chef, in a small restaurant called the mussel pot. My own plans are a little vaguer. I feel like a rest or at least half a break so I am planning to find a part time job in Havelock and devote the rest of my time to exploring the sounds in a kayak and also in writing, something I planned to make a theme while in NZ but sadly my writing has dwindled even more since I got here.

One of my many excuses for this lack of dream chasing is that I am scared. when I realized that it is now that I can try and become a published writer, that there is nothing but myself standing in my way, that I have the skills, the time and the determination I feel like I am standing on the edge of a very deep wide hole. There is no more stalling, I can do it now, I should do it now, but it scares the hell out of me.

Another ”push button day” as Ben our boss says on calm days. Just standing bumping lifts all day, putting all my effort into making the ramp as level and good looking as possible. I like a simple task which I can pour all of my efforts into without distraction or complication. Something like pure running, exercise and in fact wrestling.

To be able to face a real opponent and to grab them with all your might and throw them to the ground with all your strength without the fear of death and visa versa to have someone grab you and to try and escape with all your skill and to still fail and sail through the air and come crashing down on the mats with star inducing force is nothing short of perfection.

But truthfully, shoveling sloppy snow onto an ever waning ramp as punter after punter without a moments consideration for your work tramp over your labors, ruining it and turning your days efforts into what it was at the start of the day, just a pile of uneven slush is infuriating.

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