8th, November, 2010. A day ill spent. Training commenced but with luster greatly lacking. I was pooped from the weekend. Friendly has been plaguing my mind these days. I wonder what he wants. How can someone be so generous to me? And how come I feel so shit about it? I want to be left alone. I mean fuck! Just give me a day without delicious crabs, a day without your fucking son…..that’s it! His son. I have an unnatural hatred for children. If it was just Friendly and me, even if I was expected by him to teach him English I would be fine.
The thing I am most scared of, which my dear mum keeps reinforcing is that when I am older I will want to have children. “When I was your age I was just the same but then you came along and changed everything’. My Mum tells me so fondly when I say I am never going to have children.
There are far too many beings on this planet and I am sure it’s part of the reason of some of the problems in this world, apart from our parasitic tendencies. Being with friendly recently, seeing his bath tub full of crabs, tanks full of sea life in his hotel and others. When the tank isn’t full, the crustations are purring around fairly peacefully but when you’re all butting for the trickling of water in a chief’s bath tub, claws begin to snap. If I am ever mad enough to want to shackle myself to a plow for the rest of my life I will do a Christian deed and adopt. Take care of one of the fallen instead of throwing another one into the already packed fray.
As you can tell I am not positive today. Why do I feel more realistic when I am negative?