part187 Disconecting


   DISCONECTING

 

 

Nauls wonders where it could go. He had
recently quit his teaching job and he had a lot of time on his hands. But he
felt that he still was hounded and had no time to himself. His over baring girl
friend who was in the process of trying to turn him into a decent human being
was present whenever possible to nag him into doing something. The first 3 days
of no work had been fine. He had told her that he hated his job and that he
wanted a rest, to chill out of a bit then he would get another job later.

 

She had been very supportive cooking for
him, making him comfortable doing too much. Then he felt the pressure build. He
could almost feel the black resentment flowing out of her as she collected his
empty plates after his meals and after her long day at work. Her barely
controlled temper mattered little to Nauls. She would bustle around noisily doing
house work sighing loudly. Nauls left the room when she did this and went into
the bedroom which had a good view of the open sky.

 

A cloudy gray scene met him as he left the palpable
atmosphere of the living room and his girl friend. Nauls opened the window and
looked across the dark green forest below him. The undulating hills rolled into
the distance. Not even this image of lush nature aroused any thoughts or
feeling in him. He opened his mind and felt the strange new feeling he had been
exploring the last week. It felt like he had just jumped into a swimming pool
and as he entered the pool his physical body sunk down into the depth and his
other body (his spirit body was the best name Nauls had for it at the moment)
swam back up and flew out of the pool alone. Nauls hovered above his body,
watching it look out of the window. He willed himself to obtain gravity and he
sank slowly to the ground looking at his hands he could still not get over how weird
it was. He could not actually see himself but he could imagine himself there.
He imagined his hands in front of his eyes. He moved around the room looking
back at his body by the window just to check it was still there.

 

He went out into the living room. A large
room with a long line of windows looking out onto the forest. A hard marble coffee
table and a strange warped statue of a sort of half human thing contorting. He
saw her sitting on the sofa with her cloth discarded on the table now that he
was not there to witness her angry cleaning. Nauls walked past her into the
kitchen and reached for the knifes hanging up. When he touched them a cool
vibration ran through his fingers and then into his whole body. He felt hard
and sharp. Unable to describe it he told himself after that he had become the
knife.

 

Later in bed June was prattling on about
her day at work, how the vet was more commercial than about actually helping
animals. Nauls felt peeved. The worst thing was that she kept on asking
questions to make sure he was listening. Why didn’t she just get angry with him
and ignore him already. That’s how all of their conversations ended recently.
Why does it have to take so long? He thought.

“ Jesus Nauls, have you been listening to a
word I have been saying?, you just sit around all day while I……….”, It had happened
now she would vent for a while, turnover in bed angrily and not talk to him until
the morning when she would apologies lengthily about how she is not herself
recently blah blah blah. Nauls just flicked the switch and dove his body into
the strange pool and let his spirit body rise up. He sat up noiselessly and
noticed the lack of friction from the air and gravity. Something you only think
about when you don’t have it anymore he thought. Without a push he got up and
out of the corner of his eye he saw June mouthing away angrily at his physical
the body, now lying vacant on the bed. Not even a thought of contempt or
anything pasted through him. He just got out of bed. He moved effortlessly. He
opened the front door and went out onto the drive way. Junes Ford was park there;
he walked past it and sat on the lawn looking at the half moon.

 

“HAY!, I AM TALKING TO YOU, YOU PRICK!”. A
shock brought himjolting back. “WE ARE TALKING ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND ALL
YOU CAN DO IS LIE THERE?” June threw the sheets back and shot out of bed like
fire. Nauls knew she wanted him to follow and calm her down. That was why she
was crashing around the house, waiting for him to react.

 

 

She left slamming the door behind her with
an almightily bang. Nauls lay in bed with a blank face watching the dark long
night turning into a pail sun rise. June came back the day after in the
afternoon and after a long emotional monologue she cooked him dinner. Nauls had
grunted during her speech and she must have taken it as an apology.

 

A few days past as they usually did. June a
time bomb of emotions slowly putting a match to her own fuse. Nauls didn’t even
know she was there. He had learnt that he could fly. He had even learnt that he
could be half in one place and half in the other place. Just enough nodding and
grumbling to keep her off his back, while he was sawing through clouds.

 

There didn’t seem to be any limit to what
he could do. He could fly; pass through any mass he wanted. The only thing he
had to do was come back and reattach to his physical body. He could not move
anything or communicate with anyone or anything. Once he just flew into a
cinema and sat down to watch a film, he drifted above the green forest below
his house and caught up with a flock of sea gulls. “How far can I go?” Nauls
speculated.

 

That night while he waited for his meal to
be placed in front of him his spirit body suddenly slipped out of sync with him
and began to slowly drift through the chair and underground. Nauls flew it back
up and reattached it again. The meal was unappetizing and an inescapable
feeling of alienation shrouded Nauls. Although he could see June opposite him
blabbering again and although there was a small bite of the salad in his mouth
it all felt a million miles away. Like he was looking through the opposite end
of the telescope. “Not really hungry, gunna go watch TV”, Nuals mumbled as he
walked away from the table. June kept on taking at him. He sat on the sofa and
reached for the remote. His hand passed through the controller and he realized
he was in his spirit body again.

 

Slightly irked he got back up and went back
to the table where he saw his real body sitting motionless in the chair. Nauls
sat back down and reattached himself. Whereas before there was an elastic
spring when he returned to his body which would suck him back, now it was as if
there was a slack slipperiness which made it hard to go back. Like his spirit
and his physical body where opposing magnets. After concentrating hard Nauls
got back in and sighed loudly. “What? Am I boring you? I work all day, cook you
food and you cannot even………”.

 

“Not really that hungry, I am going to
watch TV”, He interrupted. This time June did hear him and she exploded. Nauls
walked over to the sofa picket up the remote and turned the TV on. She was
getting in the way of the TV and shouting loudly. In a sudden burst of
annoyance Nauls got up and pushed her out of the way. She stumbled back looking
terrified and tripped falling on her behind. She began to cry, crumpled on the
floor like a dropping flower after a heavy rain. She cried and cried and Nauls
went and sat back on the sofa. A few hours later Nauls noticed that she had
left.

 

5 days later June had not returned. She
usually did after a few days. Nauls wanted something to eat. He looked in the
fridge and found some left over salad. He combined this with some bread and
marmite. After a few days the bread had run out and there were no clean plates
left. Nauls didn’t mind the mess; it was just the hunger which got to him. He
had been detaching himself more and more now and whenever he would return he
found his physical body, tired and hungry. This time he had to do something
about it. He planned to call June on the phone. He looked through the phone
book and found her Mobil number.

 

“Is that you Nauls?” came her distant voice
from the other end of the phone.

 

“Yeah it’s me, how are you?”, he reacted.

 

“I am staying with my Mum at the moment, I need some
time, things just are not working……” Nauls began to feel himself detaching
again but it wasn’t on purpose. He tried to listen to June but her voice became
like a foreign language. Not even that, just a noise. Like a wet soup he slid
out of the grasp of his physical body.

 

Nauls saw himself holding the phone. “
Shit!” he shouted as he realized he had detached himself again. By the time he
had got back in his body June had hung up. He went to bed later and sprang out
of his body easily. He moved through the wall and disappeared into the sky, souring
high up into the atmosphere. His small life a distance memory, June, his house,
everything fading out of memory. With a dim realization Nauls knew that he was
slowly forgetting and cutting away from everything. He thought about June and
found her images in his mind like a liquid trickling out of his brain. His life
like a hand full of sand tumbling threw his fingers.

 

A great sadness gripped Nauls and with an
effort he remembered where his body was and flew back down to it. In through
the window and looking down on the bed he saw June sitting beside his sleeping
body. She was crying. Nauls tried to reenter his body but he could hardly even
touch it. An invisible force was propelling him away. With a big push Nauls
managed to attach for a moment and he opened his eyes and looked at june. She
jumped to her feet with a cry and ran screaming out of the room. Before he knew
it he was pushed out of his body again.

 

“Doctor he just moved, Jesus I thought you
said he was dead!?” An elderly man rushed into the bedroom and checked the
bodies pulse. “June he had been dead for days, there is no pulse and you yourself
said you hadn’t talked to him in over a week”.

 

“HE OPENED HIS EYES AND LOOKED AT ME” she
shrieked hysterically grasping the door frame with white knuckles. She sunk to
the ground void of expression and hopeless. “But how? how did he die?, Why?”
she whispered.

 

“ Well as you also said he was not really
engaging with anything, a sure sign of depression and sometimes depression can
have unknown effects on us. I don’t think its suicide but for many people who
are clinically unstable life just becomes too demanding. They lose direction
and drift though life” The Doctor was now standing up looking down on Nauls
lifeless form.

 

“We will know better after the autopsy but my
opinion is he died of dehydration and malnutrition. Just lay here and let himself
die”

 

Nauls looked on seeing a sad woman sitting
in the corner. A vague feeling made him think he knew her. He felt like a drop
of ink in a glass of water, slowly diluting out of existence.

 

 

 

Tim Johnson 2010

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3 thoughts on “part187 Disconecting

  1. poor old Nauls, could not take it, too much too soon, get a grip, if Nauls is not happy move on dont drag it out.DAD

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