PART169 meeting Hitler

Sunday, 11th, I didn’t sleep
again last night. I had to get out of bed every hour or so and have a cool
shower when my rash became intensely itchy. I would have a shower and leave my
body wet, apply some cream then go back to bed until the water and cream dried,
then the itching would wake me up again. This went on all night and then when
10 o’clock came I got dressed and went and met Adam at his flat. I was meeting
his bosses’ son who wanted to learn English. I arrived and found a round faced
chubby boy of 15 called Hitler. He was pail and had a shaved head. He looked
like a chemo patient and he smelt ill.


His English was good and we chatted away
about his home town and his hobbies. He is very interested in the German army
during the 2nd world war.  “They
were very strong”, he said enthusiastically He started to say how at the beginning
of the war they were beating France, Poland and….. He almost said England but
he remembered that I was English so he didn’t. I was wondering if he had a
shaved head because he was trying to be a skin head. It’s funny that someone
from China might copy and admire a group of people who would have bunged his inferior
arse into a concentration camp back in the day. I am rather interested to get
to know him and see why he really likes the Nazis. I must confess I am very
interested in Nazis and I do admire how driven they where, but for all their
strengths they still lost the war, just like the Japanese who also had a
superiority complex. Both countries lost the war. So what does that make those
people back then? Not only where they wrong about being a master race but they
also did a lot of unnecessary and gruesome things.


After meeting Hitler I went back home and
tried again to have a sleep but it was no use. I felt like if this kept up for
much longer I might go mad. I was unable to sleep, like someone was depriving
me of sleep on purpose. I often think if it’s worth going on living and I think
the answer is, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. If you could look ahead
and see what pain your life is waiting to heap on you or if you could see what
your life is going to please you with as well. I think life is like watching a
beautiful sunrise while someone is stabbing you in the chest. It’s like being
in a room waiting for something to happen and you wait and wait and nothing
happens and then suddenly a bomb goes off. I am going to stop right there with
these thoughts, they always lead to the same place for me. In fact whenever I
think about anything for long enough I seem to end up exactly where I always
do. I end up thinking that life is pointless and that everything I try and achieve
now is just a giant nothingness. There is a line from the hitch hiker’s guide
to the galaxy about life and the pursuit of the ultimate Answer (and question)


“Does it matter? And if it matters, does it
matter that it matters?”


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