Tuesday, 8th, June 9, 2010, I
woke up today with a clarity of mind. As soon as I got out of bed I said with a
clear head “I don’t want to work at this school anymore”, I said it with surety,
not like my usually slothful morning wants that always invade my mind. I want
to leave this school after half a year. I am going to start private teaching
and look for other schools to work part time at.
I taught at my usually classes at Jin pan.
I remembered looking down at some of the little children shouting their heads
off. I didn’t hate them I just felt an utterly deplorable (deplorable meaning
the lack of any human compassion, according to my very large dictionary)
feeling. I didn’t give a flying fuck about the lot of them. I was just here to
do my job and wait until the bell rang. I am not going to live my life that
way. I do enjoy teaching but I don’t enjoy teaching 55 hot and bothered 10 year
olds for 40 minutes a week. I enjoy teaching adults who want to learn.
I saw a young fat teacher hurling a young
boy out of a class today. I was on my way to teaching the grade ones. The youth
hurtled out of the room and when he had regained his footing he stood stock
still while the manic grinning fat man creeped up to him laughing, brandishing
a pair of scissors. He lunged for the youths fringe and the boy flinched and
reeled back. The teacher laughed contemptuously and hit the student hard on the
cheek with the back of his hand. Even from far away I heard the smack. The boy
took it and fell back but defiantly stood erect. The fat teacher stood right in
front of him and began to gleefully cut his long fringe. The boy and I locked gazes
for an moment and I gave him a raised eye brow and a sympathetic smile. One of
the very very few times I felt sorry for the students.
Later I taught Harmony for 4 hour in which
time she told me many a story about how she is an aspiring lesbian. She told me
how she prefers southern girls to northern girls because they are more womanly,
but how she prefers northern girls as friends because they are more manly.
still think I am one of the few people she has talked to about all this. I got
her to tell me a story using 7 new words she had just found in the dictionary.
One of the words she found was ‘Niggard” meaning thrifty and not wanting to
spend money. I told her that Nigger was not a good word and explained in detail
the history and that if in a western country you should not use it ever!.
For the exercise of telling a story using
the new word she told me about a Nigger who broke into her house, tried to rape
her friend and steal everything and then she stabbed the nigger and he dies. Of
course not a real story but she was laughing while she told it and to be honest
so was I. The words “Chinese are not racist” she told me open eyed a few
lessons before ringing in my ears. Kyle and Lindsey said something interesting
later that night. That Chinese culture is like that of the west in the 50s, It’s
perfectly fine to say things like nigger, it’s not a bad word, it’s just the
name for the blacks. I do see how this is true but it’s still disturbing and absurd
to hear a modern law student telling a story about a Nigger raping and stealing
from them while they are innocently laughing. I thing she just didn’t understand
the weight of the word but at the same time I think she did know what she was
Later I went for a drink and BBQ with Kyle
and Lindsey. I solidified my idea about leaving the school when they told me
about their troubles with our boss. We all moaned about our boss for ages and I
just thought yet again. Its time to go. Everything in good hear except for my
job. Cut the wheat from the chaff. Get rid of what you don’t want.