Friday, 4th, June. So today has
been like a red hot flame. Burning my energy from my fatty self. I have gone threw
a long day and like so many I resorted to comfortable numbness. I am overly
drunk. In my soul I want to edit and put my latest story up on my blog but to
my rage I am too drunk to do so. How utterly boring, How disgraceful. Like a madmen
dog, decrepit and useless. I must wait like a retard for the effects of this stupor
of boredom to wear off before I can actually do what I want.
Why do I bother? What is it exactly that
holds us from hurling our self’s from a tall building? Some sort of survival
mechanism I suppose, Basic but effective.
When the ice cream is gone what is there to
think about? When life is gone what is there to happen?
The worst thing about being drunk is that
you so passionately believe in what is coursing threw your veins but then the
next day you just look over what you have written and you cannot identify with
it, even I am embarrassed to read my words even in my own presence. When so
much is sifting and fucked what can you believe in? If you cannot even nod to
the truth of your own words day to day then what the hell can you rely on?
Anyway I have had a long, long day and now
I am giving myself shit for letting go and getting drunk, it there any piece anywhere?,
take me to a better place where questions melt like transparent butter against
the heat of nothingness. Where time and space have no meaning. As my wise
Father would say. That’s the place where I want to be.