part124, spider monkeys


Monday, May 31, 2010.


I arrived at work
half an hour early today, I had just arrived at Mei Shi School and I looked at
my phone. 7:58.

“Shit I have half an hour before my class,
why on earth did I come so early?”.

 

 “Because
you’re a duffus that’s why” was my only reply.

 

I sat on the sofa and watched the flag
raising ceremony out of the corner of my eye. Knowing that I had to teach in 20
minutes and also knowing that I had 20 minutes to wait sent me off into a tantalizing
uneasy nap. Waking up suddenly and then chastising myself because I had wasted precious
minute of rest

 

I got a taxi back home with an obnoxious driver.
He had vitiligo, the ailment where your skin begins to slowly turn very white.
He had white hands and white patches on his face but most of his person was
dark tanned. An unmistakable Hainan person. The first question he asked me predictably
was

 

“how much money do you make every month”.

 

My usually reply “every months is not the
same, this month I didn’t work much and last month I worked a lot…its always different”.
If this does not work I usually just pretend I do not understand their Chinese.

 

I saw a man mindlessly pull out in front of
us with his head turned the other way while he was on his Mobil. My taxi driver
slammed on his breaks and swerved and nearly missed both the other cars and a
young man on the side of the road. I glared at the other driver as we went past
and we met eyes and he broke my gaze with a shamed expression.

 

“You fucking mindless idiot, look where you’re
going, try and engage in your life it has consequences” I mind shouted at him.

 

 I
had road rage and I was not even driving. I have never really seen any proper
road rage here. Although there is many a causes for it I think that bad driving
is so common place and normal that people just don’t get annoyed at it too much
here.

 

Later I went to the gym and during the weights
class there was a whaling banshee in our midst. Just when the class was getting
tough this individual would shout at the top of her lungs “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”.
“ EIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOO!!!” and whooped on many an occasion inbetween the hard
parts. It was hilarious, the instructor was having a hard time keeping a
straight face and myself and the woman next to me where in fits of laughter
throughout most of the lesson. I cannot wait to go back to this class on Wednesday.
I hope the screaming student comes back. I never actually got to see who it
was. There are lots of people in the class and whenever I tried to find the culprit
in the crowd the screeching had already stopped.

 

I stopped off at the malls street stalls on
the way home but my favorite shop was shut so I went to another one Lindsey and
Kyle recommended. It was full of young menacing youths so I walked past, still
hungry. I stopped outside the mall and watched the giant TV screen playing the
new iron man film advert. I waited for someone to bring me some food but of
course it didn’t happen.

 

Suddenly I grew disgusted with myself “
grow a sack Tim, go and get some food from that stall, so what there is a troop
of spider monkeys outside, get over it you pussy!”. I marched back to the
stall, Past the spider monkeys who all shouted hello and “how are you?” without
even waiting for a reply before they looked at their friends for approval and
laughs for saying something to a foreigner. I think “hello” is the biggest joke
in China. Every one laughs after they say it. It has transformed into something
else. It’s not a greeting anymore in China it’s a “hay friends look at me I am
shouting at the strange monkey man” sort of thing.

 

 Anyhow I got a luscious Chinese spicy burger
from the stall and walked off triumphant, sweating from the chilly.

I went back home and wrote a new part of my
new blog story. Although I was not really pleased with the story I was pleased
that I wrote about 2000 words today, not including this lengthy blog right not.
Practice makes perfect and one day I am bloody well going to write a blinding
master peace which will blow my socks off.

 

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