Thursday 18th, February 19, 2010,
Late last night I started reading about Carl Yung on Wikipedia and other sites,
I read about his mother who had saw spirits that visited her at night and about
Yung who at a early age once say a ghost like spirit from his mother room,
walking down the corridor with a detached head “One night he saw a faintly
luminous, indefinite figure, coming from her room. The head was detached from
the neck and floated in the air, in front of the body”(Wikipedia, Yung’s early years).
Then I also started reading Sigmund Frauds ‘The interpretation of dreams’ online.
It was written very academically and was not an easy read but I got threw a
large portion of it.
Last night I had a very strange dream about
being paid to be tortured, first my brother gave me 100 pounds to torture me
then Sir Ian Mckellen payed me the same amount for an hour of torture. I vividly
remember my brother trying to carve a large gash down my left arm. He was doing
it all wrong and he didn’t even breaking the skin so the bonds on my right arm
were taken off and I cut a huge wound with a Stanly knife down my arm. It
opened up like a huge red crater on my left arm cutting open the burn scars
which I inflicted on myself when I was a teenager. I remember at the end of it
all being chuffed that I had two hundred pounds( according to my Martial arts
master in Malaysia ‘chuffed’ means to mutually pleasure one another, but after
looking it up myself, I have found many different interpretations. All of then equally
rude and unsavory)……(that’s not what I meant here I just meant I was impressed).
know if I want to interpret this dream
I woke up at 12ish and got up but stayed in
bed until about 2ish, when I went out of the bed room, Mum gave me a worried
look. “Do you want to eat?” she asked. I said no, she looked at the clock and
then back at me and said “its 2 o’clock” as if to say I was crazy that I had
not eaten all day. I went to the loo and got some water then went back to the
bed room and watched a few films. Sarah and Mum went out to the supermarket and
when they got back Sarah had kindly got me a chicken burger and chips, After
this meal I realized how hungry I really was.
Thankfully it was the same time that supper
was ready and the family sat down and we had dinner. We watched a great program
about army women who were doing tests, like assembling guns, fighting and shooting,
and I saw the greatest invention ever!!!. The knife gun. It was just a normal
knife but it had a small trigger on it as well which shot bullets. What an
amazing invention. Imagine your attacked on the streets and you whip out your
knife and while your assailant is preparing to engage in close quarter combat
you shot him (or her) with your gunife.
I failed to mention about yesterday was that I met a lovely girl called Tianshi
who had studied in England; she had studied something like communications…. Media…management….something
like that. Anyway part of her job was to keep TV programs interesting in China
and to keep up to speed with the public’s views, she asked me my opinion and I
said that a lot of programs in China were very political and also very formal.
Maybe if there were more fun programs and a more relaxed atmosphere on TV it
would be better for people like me. She agreed and said that it was also what
others thought but “it’s a slow progress to change things like that” she said,
and that they were slowly doing so. Bringing international programs in like American
idol or things like that.
But really I though this army program was
great. Guns, girls and challenges and reality they had it all, it’s better that
the shitty big brother in England where we show off the sort of maladjusted
freaks which we keep on our little island. At least there were no drunken
fights or crying or stuff like that on Chinese TV. I hope Chinese TV never
becomes anything like America or English TV.
After supper Sarah and I went out to the
park and I did my Taiji form for the second day running. I remembered the whole
form and felt like it was much improved from yesterday. But I also realized that
I was very unfit, and then I did the Lian padukan fast forms. I was sweating
and out of breath. I loved it. I felt constricted by my thick winter cloths and
by my flabby unwilling body. It made me strive to practice faster, like I was
fighting someone. I had to throw my limbs out against the oppression of my long
johns and my beer belly, breathlessly push myself with an unwilling body. I
think that’s what martial arts are all about, fighting yourself, Fighting your
mind, fighting your body…pushing it, fighting your inner demons. After the
exercise my knees were weak I felt dizzy but I felt more alive than I had in
ages. I remembered that this is why I do martial arts, to feel alive, to sweat
and work and feel the adrenaline coursing through me. I was looking forward to going
to Hainan and being in a place where when you take off your gloves your hands don’t
turn blue in 2 minutes, Ha I won’t even need gloves in Hainan!. Sarah and I walked back home in the cold
and I had a cigarette even though I didn’t really feel like It after my
exercise. I felt surly that it would not be hard to quit when I arrived in
When we got back there was a program on
about kung fu children. The host of the program asked one child “what martial
art does your Dad do?”, “my dad does Taiji and sword”, “and how do you know
your Dad does them?”, “because he beats me with Taiji and wins competitions
with the sword”.
I watched the program for a while but then
went on our computer. Just before we went to sleep Sarah announced that she was
hungry, we both went into the kitchen and she made us both some spice instant
noodles while I poured myself the last of the absinth (weep), Sarah also placed
a few extra salty/spicy dishes on the table, I ate some of them and Sarah asked
if I liked it. I said yes and then immediately knew what she was going to say
next, “oh two years ago you would never have tried this dish, you are changing”.
Ah my heart glowed! I think when you can read someone’s mind you have made a
true connection; that’s what it’s all about as far as I am concerned. Sarah and
I both laughed for a long time while we finished our noodles.
And yet again here I am. Sarah is quietly
snoring behind me and I am in the darkness apart for the bright glare from the
screen of the computer. Today has been a happier day. I am back to my optimistic
self. I just needed another quiet day and I was given it today.