part 18 fireworks and a punch in the balls


I am writing today’s blog a little bit earlier
than usual, Its about 10 :30 but I don’t think anything spectacular will happen
until I go to bed(famous last words maybe).

 

I woke up today at 6:00 when Sarah was
talking to Candy (her best friend) on the phone. Candy was coming back to Xin
zhuo for the spring festival and was buying our tickets to get to Beijing
before we went down to Haikou. Later at 9:00 Sarah woke me up again and told me
to get up because I had to teach in an hour. I had just been having the oddest
dream about living in space and also seeing all my classmates and close friends
when I came back to earth, It was a very intriguing dream but as usual Sarah
was there to bring me back down to earth. Curse you and thank you Sarah!. I got
up, Tided myself and our room and I taught Linda for an hour. She was a bit
naughty today but not very bad. After the class we had an early lunch and then
I fell asleep in the sun shine on our bed.

 

I woke up 3 hours later feeling tired,
groggy and my face was numb. Also the sun had gone away. I slowly woke up and
watched a film, I was in no mood to do my TEFL course, I wanted to do my blog
but I thought that its best to wait until the day is done until I started to do
it. Later that day Linda’s Mum called to see if I wanted a massage. I said yes
and went down and out of our building to the block of flats nearby where she works.
I had a 20 minute foot bath in some sort of brown herds and then had an amazing
foot massage. It was incredibly painful sometimes and Linda’s Mum ground her
fingers and knuckles into the sensitive parts of my foot. I have always been
interested how different parts of the body correspond with other parts. For
instance on my middle toe of my left foot when I press my toe nail I get a
sharp needle like jab in the left side of my guts, Its wired. Also when I have
reflexology there are some parts of the foot which make my stomach or limbs ach,
itch or feel euphoric. It’s spectacular. Anyway I had a great reflexology but unfortunately
at the end when she was giving my legs a karate chop pounding and my scrotum
way draped carelessly across my thigh its contents received a direct hit. It
was excruciating, but like a real man I fought back the tears and weathered the
sickening lengthy sickness which ensued. Thankfully it was only one hit, but
really one is all you need. I walked home floating on my new heavenly relaxed
feet while ruing my bruised balls.

 

Candy had come back from Tian jing and had
come to pay us a visit. Because she had not gotten a ticket in time she spent
10 hours on a seat from Tian jing to Tian yuan( Tai yuan is the capital of
Shanxi province). Then she had to stand up for the 2 hour ride from Tai yuan to
Xin Zhuo. When we say her she smiled and looked happy, showing no signs that
she had just spent a long period of time traveling in discomfort. She looked
thinner and her English was much better than I remember it. 10 minutes before
the meal Dad cried out “Timo?, he jiu” ( Tim drink alcohol). Like the obedient son
in law that I am I went and we drank some strong wine( 52%), We had pork dumplings,
shredded bitter melon, fatty strips of pork, green vinegar garlic and some more
dishes which did not stay in my mind. I was utterly shit faced by the end of
the meal. Dad told me that I would have to bow to him and Mum in two days, I
agreed but Mum didn’t want me to do it. I think as a new member of the family it’s
important to show respect in China and I think that if I can show Mum and Dad
how grateful I am for their unending hospitality, daily meals a roof over my
head and much much more then I am happy to show it….also its tradition and you cannot
argue with that…its old so it must be right. In my inebriated state I asked for
some fireworks. Dad got some fireworks which I took pictures of then we took
them outside and lit them. We put a length of bangers on the metal fence and
grounded the square fire work and the 6 little ones into the snow near bye.

 

After lighting the bangers I lit the big
one. Loud bags shot colorful lights into the dark sky and after a while the
crackling bangers and the big fire work had finished. I took the large incense
stick and approached the boring small cylinders and lit the short fuse. The
first one burst into a flame and then stopped…… I approached and looked at it
when it almost when off in my face. If you have ever played a modern computer
like “Call of duty, modern war fare” you will know that when you set off a grenade
too close to yourself you see a bright white blinding light and your ears ring.
This is exactly what happened to me. I approached the seemingly redundant fire
work when it went off. I saw  a blinding
white light which took over all my vision and my ears rung horribly “ Jesus
this is just like call of duty, modern warfare” I thought as I coward away from
the small fire work. I lit the other 5 little fire works with more caution, but
I still got ringing ears and blinded. On the last one I closed my eyes and covered
my ears. I should have done that after the first one.

 

After that Candy left and Sarah and I went
back up stairs. I sat and watched a TV program about animal psychics but then
got bored, had a shower and here I am……I have kept up the challenge for 3 days
so far, doing a blog every day. I am proud but I need to keep it up for longer.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the spring festival and I have no more classes for
10 day and then we are off to Hainan for a new adventure, OH YEAH, it’s time for the festivities to start

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2 thoughts on “part 18 fireworks and a punch in the balls

  1. Eeejit . Have pity on your Guardian Angels why don’t you ? Another thrilling chapter tiger man .Remember me to Candy . Will never forget her laughing good natured helpfulness .mumx

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